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2013-10-11 18.37.20

Sometimes I wish I had my own tree of wisdom in my back yard. I have trees in my back yard, and also in the front of my house, but none of them seems to have any wise words for me, when I pass bye. I even tried hugging one of my trees in the garden, felt strange and cold, and I was not wiser nor more loved afterwards.

My mind drifts off to strange places when I observe trees like this one. Especially with the sky painted as I captured on this photo three nights ago. I’m sure that this is a tree of wisdom. But it’s not mine, and it’s not near me anymore. I was visiting my good friend, and it’s her tree.

If I had a tree of wisdom in my back yard today, I would go there and ask for advice. I would ask how to cope with extreme happiness and deep disappointment on the same day. How is it possible to be so happy, that tears almost dances down my cheeks, and then a moment later, I have to swallow hard, to keep the sad tears away from my face?

I am really happy about a resent achievement, and I wish to be wise enough to hold on to the happy feeling and all the positive energy this brings into my life.

My disappointments are divided. I’m a bit disappointed in the lack of excitement for my achievement. That is a disappointment I need to be wise enough to disregard. There will always be people around that don’t cheer you on, and there is nothing I can do about that. I need to have the wisdom to keep on trying, and not give up.

I’m very disappointed in the fake reaction, where my friend told me he was happy for me, and then mocked my project behind my back. I need my tree of wisdom to help me be wise in this situation. Do I act on it, or do I let it go? When I think about it, I think I’m wise enough to ignore my disappointment, at least for now. Maybe I’ll tell him that his encouragement was killed by the words he said behind my back, because you can always rely on people to tell you the truth when someone has said something bad about you, or in this case, my project. Writing about it now, I think I’ll use my wisdom to keep calm, and don’t create drama. I’m hurt, but not beaten, and if I can’t cope with a bit of disappointment, I can’t keep on putting myself and my projects out there.

My third division of disappointment is from myself, I wish I had a wise tree in my garden to tell me what to do. Or maybe not, I have the wisdom of knowing when I chose to disappoint myself. Now I need the wisdom to clean up, and to forgive myself.

I wished for a tree of wisdom in my garden, but I realize I have the wisdom I need. This blog became my tree of wisdom, because by writing about my needs I sorted out my feelings. And even though I’m still a bit hurt, and a bit disappointed, I cannot disregard the fact that I have a very positive achievement in my life today, that didn’t exist four days ago.

Maybe what I need is a tree of joy. Or not a tree at all, but something to remind me of what’s important, for me, in my life. I choose to dance today, and to rejoice. And when I look at the sky on my photos from the other night, I can see that the clouds are dancing with me.

I was wishing for a tree of wisdom. But I found the wisdom, and used my wisdom to choose my emotions. 2013-10-11 18.36.26

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