When a Conversation Inspires Change


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How to stop putting yourself down and start building your self-esteem?

Today I spent some hours in one of the nicest coffeeshops I know. I was there, meeting a friend I got to know some years ago. We had not seen each other for months, and I was looking forward to do so. When we got to know each other, I was going through some tough times, and was struggling in several corners of my life. Spending time with this friend, was at the time, a good break from my own problems, because we mostly talked about her challenges at work and I listened to her funny stories about travelling and her family.


Today somethings were different.

We talked, and for some reason, my friend constantly talked herself down. It was strange at first and then really disturbing. I tried to engage in the conversation using positive openings, but she managed to turn every theme back to herself, and and for some time there, it was not a happy conversation.

I know by personal experience  that putting you down can be damaging to your self-esteem and self-confidence. That includes the words you say out loud in addition to your internal self-talk. Negative words as well as thoughts can be very believable and they distort your perception about yourself. They impact on your sense of self-worth. When you talk negatively about yourself to others, the words have a greater effect. You’re also making it easier for others to put you down. All these thoughts went through my brain as we talked, and I finally came around to bring them into our conversation. Because the good news is that you can stop putting yourself down and you can build your self-esteem.We had a good talk, but since we were in a coffeeshop, we did not go to far into the problems, though. I’ve been replaying our conversation over and over again, and decided to write about this, because I believe this is very important.


There are plenty of reasons why you might put yourself down;

You may feel insecure, believe you’re not worthy or it might be a habit to put yourself down. You could be used to saying “I can’t,” “I don’t have talent,” “I’m ugly,” “I’m stupid” or “I’m useless.” You might have been put down by others in the past and continue to put yourself down. Alternatively you may believe it’s better to put yourself down before anyone else does.

Putting anyone down, including you, is emotional bullying. Most of us consider bullying from others as a bad thing, so why bully yourself? It seems like we have a double standard and treat others better than we treat ourselves. It’s not okay to put anyone down and that includes yourself.


I believe that if you have started to have this bad habit, it’s important to be aware of it and start working on how to stop putting yourself down to building your self-esteem.

Let’s face it, you can’t control what others say about you but you can control what you say about yourself.

To build your self-esteem, it’s important to talk about yourself in a healthy manner. Believe you are worthy and quit the self-bullying. Treat yourself as you would a good friend and respect yourself. Replace negative words with positive words. For example you could say “I’m capable” or “I’m learning” instead of “I’m useless” or “I’m stupid.” Words can make a big difference.


Two words that I recommend avoiding are “can’t” and should.” They are disempowering and it’s better to use alternatives when you can. For example, “can” is a good alternative to “can’t” and “could” is an alternative for “should.” Using affirmations might also help.

To quit this bad habit, it’s important to pay attention to your negative talk, catch your negative thoughts or words early. Awareness is very important and it empowers you to make changes. Stop your negative thoughts or words and correct them as much as you can. This may be a challenge to start with and it’s important to be kind to yourself. It’s okay if you don’t get it right straight away. Change will take effort and habits won’t change overnight. Keep on practicing and you’ll see improvements.

Change your talk and you will build your self-esteem.



My Cats have their own doorbell


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It started with an ad on Facebook. So much do, these days.

My two cats, Bajas and Balthazar are going to have their tenth birthday this upcoming June.

They were born when the Norwegian National Soccer Team won 4 – 0 to Malta. I know this, because there was a big discussion in the family were the cats were born…four brothers were born that night, and every time Norway scored a goal. And every time the Norwegian team scored a goal, the dad in the family missed it, because he had been commanded to come back to the kitchen to assist in the cat birth…

My cats were only eight weeks when they left the soccer-family, and they have never seen a soccer game since.




They were two grey cute kittens when they moved in, and three weeks later, they were big kittens. And today they are big, grey cats that keep order in our part of our street. Just across the road, a little dog called Fox leaves. He moved in four years ago, and he has a cat sister. So when he saw my two cats on the staircase, he came over – to say hello and play, probably, but Bajas and Balthazar did not receive him in any playful manner.. It’s been four years, and still, every night when my neighbour walks her dog, he stops at our driveway, and pull his leg up, pretending to be hurt. And they don’t precede their evening walk before she picks in up and carry him home. 4 years.

My cats don’t make any noise, but they follow his moves closely, every night. 4 years.

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When my cats want to come in, they try to make me open our main door. But if I’m not in the kitchen, I don’t hear them. So they go around the house, and up on a fence. From there, they have these acrobatic moves, that I now fear they are starting to get too old and too fat for.. They jump, from the fence, and up on my satellite dich and then into our balcony. They use the satellite dish as a trampoline. It’s quite impressing, both to watch and to hear.

It also leaves me without TV-signals most of the time. Now, that is normally not a problem, I usually watch Netflix, but once in a while, there are nights that I would like to watch a program. All I have to do that, is to find my pink screw-driver, – yes of course it’s pink, and it has flowers on – lean over the balcony and adjust my satellite dish right, so I can watch my program. Usually, this works. Not if it’s raining dogs, though, my satellite don’t like rain, and as mentioned, my cats are no fan of dogs either. Pun intended.

And it’s not working in the middle of the winter, but that is usually a snow-related problem. And in the summer, the threes in my garden might steal too much of the signals… But other than that, I can easily fix my TV signals with my screw-driver. And I will watch the program on TV, until one of my cats decides to jump on my satellite again. Usually this is when the film get interesting, or I just sat down to watch a concert. I like Netflix. And I like my cats. Sometimes they are not my favourites, but usually they are.

One of my nephews said when he was 16, that if he could choose, he would return as a cat in my house for his next life… And yes, I think they have what they need.



Especially now: Because they now have their own doorbell. As I started to say, it started with an ad on Facebook. The cat doorbell! First I laugh about it, but then my big-brother cat Bajas fell down because of the snow, and could not jump…So I fell for the ad, and ordered the doorbell .It’s a censor, that I installed outside, still with help of my pink screw-driver. And a box that light up and play “Pink Panther” theme every time my cats go in the censor-zone. It works! Really well. This Saturday, my cats went in and out the main entrance four time each! I love it, they love it.


Of course, others might trigger the censor as well. Like just now, both I and my cats are inside, and suddenly the Pink Panther theme music played in the living room. We al ran to the door, but since I saw the Fox dog outside, I did not open it.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

So, my cats have a doorbell. And they use it, they love it. And I love that there is a function that says silence as well. Night-modus and for days where they really can’t decide, in or out?


My Favourite Place: That Special Space at Home


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Everyone has an area in their home where they feel truly relaxed

I think we all have a favourite place in our homes that we feel particularly drawn to. For one person that might be the kitchen table because that is the place they enjoy seeing everyone come together as a family to eat and talk.

Another person might relish time spent on the living room sofa, which they associate with the relaxation that comes at the end of a busy day.

Some of us only feel truly relaxed as we walk around our garden, while others have a table and chair in a sun-drenched spot where they feel most alert.

It’s a very individual thing. And it might change – by season or by life situation in general.

I made a new reading nook for myself a week ago, and I love it! There is one problem, though, I’m not the only one that loves it…


So, what about you? What is your favourite place at home? And do you have to fight for it?



New Year – New Beginnings


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One week into this New Year, I’m still a bit puzzled everytime I write 2017, and I’m still enjoying the thought of new beginnings. It’s very common to think new beginnings in January; there are professions that relish because of our need to start again. Check your local gym, for starters, there are close to none available personal trainers right now. Just wait a couple of weeks, and some (like myself) will have given up, and you might take their spot…

I’m not one to make New Year’s Resolutions, but I like to think of new beginnings. There might not be too much difference between those two statements, but I don’t like the feeling of failure, so no New Year’s Resolutions. The new beginnings, on the other hand, are just things I would like to do, or things I do, but I would like to do more. Like; I would like to use 2017 to read more books. I read last year, I’ve been reading since I was five years old, and there is nothing better than to loose oneself into a story and get to know the personages and surroundings. Everytime I read a good book, I ask myself why I don’t do this more often… The answer: Well, time? No, that’s not true; I have enough free time, to read all the books I cherish.  It’s time management that is my problem, all the time I don’t realize I could read. Well, yesterday, I did something that could be an inspiration to read more. I made myself a pink reading nook!


I also looked into some blogs that were writing about reading challenges, and I’m thinking of maybe trying something like that.

Another thing I would like to do more of in 2017 is to write on my blog again. I’m the first one to admit that 2016 was not a great year on this blog. And I have to say that while my posts last year, were random and few, I personally had a great year. So when I look back now, I feel a bit like a bad friend. I’ve been writing this blog since Norway suffered the terrible attack from one of our own, in July 2011. One month after the attack, I wrote my first blog-post. I needed to express myself, and I needed a place to explain what had happened. For myself, mostly, and for some of my foreign friends, that had contacted me to check that me and my family were ok.

During the years, my blog has been with me through some tough times; death of my loved ones and unemployment. It has also been there when I got my first book published, and when life treated me kind again.  And when I got my second book published, the one which included my Moms poems. I have blogged about my writing, my life and a little bit of everything. Proud moments, embarrassing moments, moments to remember and moments to laugh, I’ve blogged about them all.

This first week of the year 2017, I’ve been thinking of what to do with this blog. My blogging from last year shows me that it has not been so important for me lately, to express myself and to maintain this blog. But then again, should I just stop?  Nah, I think I want to keep it on the list on things I would love to do more of in 2017. I would like to write more.

So there it is. I would like to read more. And I would like to write more.

I should include that I would like to exercise more on my list. I should. But, that would be a more New Year’s Resolution, one I have had and failed to comply many times before. So I keep that one out, at least for today.

I would like to be more creative also. I decorated this vase instead of dusting yesterday. It was fun, I enjoyed it, and it went great with my other pink stuff in my new nook.


This morning my cat had reorganized it though. We’ve both agreed that we leave the dusting till another day.